Hello again,

As the summer went by all I could feel was that I was getting farther from God and that I was getting stupider from all the info leaking out of my brain, but looking back I have to say that I see how much I've actually grown over the summer and how much valuable info i've gained.  Weird isn't it how we don't know what's going on in our own lives at the moment until after it's all said and done?

Eh, bed time.  Man sometimes I wish i was off campus, but grrr, i'm sure God has a plan right?

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Sometimes I hate being patient.

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But if God wills it

So sometimes I get this feeling that God is trying to show me something that i'm doing terribly wrong but I might not notice and over time and with alot of patience God has shown me, but after alot of fustration and thinking/praying.  I never thought to tell anyone this heavy feeling that God was putting on my heart.  When I did, awesome discussion pursued and I think it saved me from alot of time and fustration trying to figure out what God wanted me to notice.  So a big thing I learned, I should talk more about what's on my heart and not keep it to myself.

tangent: be child-like

I remember when i was a wee kid, I was crazy and not afraid of what people thought, but over the years I've been trying to fit into a stereotype instead of embracing who I am.  In college, I've been trying to discover who I really am, but I discovered I don't have to discover anything, I have to know who I am.  I dunno if that makes sense, but it does in my head.  Imagine a painting and the artist wan't to make the picture more beautiful, so he keeps adding more and more layers on top of the picture, but is never satisfied.  He sits in fustration and holds his head in his hands thinking it will never be perfect.  Then, he tries something new, he takes a layer of paint off and notices that he likes the picture better that way.  He continues to take another layer off and another until it is finally back to the original picture.  The picture was perfect and the most beautiful of all the versions.  He spent all this time trying to change it into something else only to change it back.  I've spent all my life trying to change only to start trying to change back and embrace who I was in the past instead of trying to forget about it. ehh i g2g2 class   

I am LAmEo

its spr. break and i'm pretty sure i am the lamest person on the planet.  my bro is about to leave for connecticut to build houses for habitat for humanity with his alpha chi homies from uva and all my closest buddies are in NYC and the whole 2 ppl from my hs that i actually hang out with are working/i think on spring break trip having muchos fun.  It's been a good time to think on my own tho, went on a nice run and just totally stopped and found a cubby beside the road to sit down and pray for a while. 

Well, since human contact is limited except for my sisters (yikies) I'll just drone on a bit.  God's been talking to me about being vulerable.  It's something no one wants to feel, but to be completely real with friends/family, there is no getting around that feeling.  You can't always portray an image to everyone around you that you are perfect, because you aren't.  You do bad things, you have dreams, you think silly thoughts, you have little crushes, you have lied, stolen, cheated, thought bad thoughts, etc.  It's hard feel comfortable if you tell people these things, it's easy just to not talk about this stuff.  But honestly, the more real you are with friends, the more fully you share your life with your friends, the closer you'll get. Of course you shouldn't go spewing your guts out there.  It's with your close friends that this should happen.  I guess all this is just pretty new in my life, the deepness and intensity has picked itself up a few notches because i've opened up more.  Prayer group helps with this as well.  On 1 on 1's, I've even discovered some stuff about me that i never really noticed.  I guess that's the cool thing about friends.

About friends, i need to get over my complex about making friends cause i have a good habit of ignoring people sometimes.

OKOK, i've been having some wierd dreams lately and i've been able to remember them (which makes it even weirder).  This last one was that I woke up from a nap (in my dream) and walked over to my computer and I had received ims from 13 different people who were on the NYC missions trip telling  me the same thing...someone was missing and I should pray for them.  The first thing I thought was, how did they get internet connection and laptops to IM me? haha.  Then I was like crap...someone's missing...oh no.  I think it was the wife of one of the head organizers.  But then I woke up from my sleep and never found out if they found her.  I will have to give the people in NY a call sometime to check it out.  Well, at least this dream wasn't as weird as the last one I remembered.  I haven't told it to a guy yet, cause it just insults all men basically, but if you are curious and want to give me a good laugh telling it to you just so i can imagine (or see) what your face looks like, be my guest.  Be a little vulerable.